


we never became who we wanted to be

by evelinafelicia



Series: chaos and lifelong wishes [3]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012), DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-17
Updated: 2015-12-17
Packaged: 2018-05-07 04:17:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5443058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evelinafelicia/pseuds/evelinafelicia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sara had been debating with herself for days whether or not she should talk to Oliver about this. Just the idea, the mere thought, seemed crazy, seemed completely and utterly insane, but it wouldn’t leave her alone. It was like an itch. The more she tried not to think about it, the more it bothered her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	we never became who we wanted to be

**Author's Note:**

> I’d like to imagine Sara would have this conversation with Oliver so I needed to write it before I was proven wrong! This is the first official part of a fic series I wanna get started on. Keep in mind that it was written in the middle of the night, and mostly cause I wanted to write something not Uni or screenwriting related. But yes. Anyway. Title is from the Swedish song Blixtar och Dunder by Thomas Stenström and I obviously don't own Arrow or the characters. Boy, I wish I did.
> 
> Enjoy!

It was a quiet night, for a change. Oliver and Felicity had been cuddled up on the couch, half asleep, when a knock on the door broke through the comfortable silence. They shared a look, both of them frowning before Felicity got up and opened the door.

’’Sara!’’ She exclaimed, surprised, ’’hi!’’

Sara shifted her weight from right to left a couple times, smiling slightly. It didn't quite reach her eyes. 

’’Hey, Felicity. Is Oliver home?’’

Before she could reply, she felt Oliver’s hand on the small of her back. ’’Sara?’’

’’Hi.’’

’’Is something wrong?’’

’’What? No, no, everything’s fine,’’ she turned to Felicity, hesitating . ’’Would you mind if I spoke with Oliver alone?’’

’’Oh,’’ Felicity said and looked up at Oliver who looked just as confused and worried as she felt.

’’It’s just... this is hard enough to talk about. As it is.’’ She threw an apologetic glance at Felicity again. ’’It’s nothing against you, you know that.’’

’’Are you sure everything’s okay, though?’’ Felicity asked, uncertain.

Sara nodded. ’’I swear.’’

’’Okay,’’ Felicity turned to Oliver. ’’I’ll be upstairs if you need me,’’ she said and gave him a quick kiss. She shot Sara a quick smile before disappearing up the stairs.

Oliver invited Sara in and she closed the door behind her. She’d hadn't had the chance to visit them yet. It was nice. There were touches of both Oliver and Felicity everywhere, pictures, memorabilia and mementos. Oliver’s jacket hanging across the back of a chair, Felicity’s heals discarded by the couch. It was very much theirs.

’’Sara?’’ She heard Oliver’s voice behind her. She turned around. 

Oliver thought she seemed tense. Which, really, wasn’t saying much, Sara was always tense. But this time it was something else. She seemed nervous.

’’I-- let’s sit.’’ She said and walked over to the kitchen table.

’’What’s going on?’’ he urged again as he sat down next to her.

Sara cleared her throat. ’’You know about... well, about what I do now.’’

’’With the team?’’

She nodded.

’’Of course I do,’’ he replied, still confused.

’’Exactly what we do? and how we do it?’’

’’Sara, what are you talking about?’’

She dragged a hand through her hair. Sara had been debating with herself for days whether or not she should talk to Oliver about this. Just the idea, the mere thought, seemed crazy, seemed completely and utterly insane, but it wouldn’t leave her alone. It was like an itch. The more she tried not to think about it, the more it bothered her.

’’If you had a chance... '' she said, before taking a deep breath. ''I mean, have you ever thought about, if you had the chance, what you would do if.. if you could go back and do everything again?’’ She murmured.

He didn’t say anything for the longest time and for a moment she thought he didn’t hear or understand her. But then she saw the look on his face. Gone was the worry, the confusion and it was replaced with shock, anger, sadness.

’’You mean before The Gambit?’’ He said, voice strained. 

’’Yes. If you could, would you stop yourself? Would you stop us?’’

’’From getting on the boat?’’ Oliver whispered.

’’Would you?’’

He stared at her, jaw locked. They barely talked about it, about The Gambit or the island. And this was why.

’’Why--’’ his voice breaks and he clears his throat. ’’Why are you bringing this up now?’’

’’Because I can. Stop us. There’s a way.’’

He exhaled deeply, but didn’t say anything. His eyes were filled with unshed tears and under any other circumstances she would have backed off. Under any other circumstances she wouldn’t have brought it up to begin with. 

’’Five years, Oliver. Imagine five years of living a normal life. Without the suffering and the torture.”

Oliver shook his head. ’’Sara...’’

’’Would you do it?’’ She urged, voice thick with emotion.

’’I--- Yes. No. I don’t know.’’ He said, got out of his chair and started pacing. ’’What kind of consequences would it bring? And what about--’’ he interrupted himself and looked up the stairs.

’’I don’t know,’’ Sara answered honestly. ’’I don’t know what it would mean, how it would affect the city, the people around us. I don’t know. I just know that I’ve got a shot at stopping us from ever getting on that Godforsaken boat. Don’t we deserve that?”

He chuckled bitterly, ’’Sara, that’s not how it works.’’

’’But it could be.’’

Oliver stared at her, the disbelief clear on his face. ’’What about all the good you’ve done? That we’ve both done? Are you really willing to erase that?’’

’’Maybe.’’

’’Those five years brought so much suffering to so many people but it also-- but it also gave me this,’’ Oliver gestured to the space around them. ’’It brought me to _her_ ,’’ he said, pointing up the stairs where Felicity was waiting for him.

”I agree that she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to you, but who’s to say you won’t meet anyway?’’

’’It’s not just Felicity, Sara, it’s--’’

’’So you wouldn’t do it? Go back in time and fix it?’’

’’I don’t think I would be willing to risk it.’’ 

’’Even if it meant you’d get to see your father again? Tommy? Your mother?’’

’’What do you want me to say, Sara!?’’ He yelled, before taking a deep breath to calm himself down. Sara shook her head, not sure how to answer the question. ’’Of course I would love to see them again. _Of course_. But... the choice you’re asking me to make...’’

’’It’s impossible, I know.’’   
  
She knew he had a lot more to lose than she did. That he'd come a lot further than she had. But they'd both lost years of their life and because of that, lost people that they cared about. They'd done terrible things and here she offered him a chance to wipe it all clean and start over. She'd thought maybe he'd be stupid enough to take it. Oliver sighed heavily before sinking down in his chair again. 

’’I know that you’re suffering,’’ he said, with that that loving and soft sort of voice that he reserved for only his closest family and friends. This time it was all that it took for her tears to finally spill over. ”I know that what you’ve done, what you had to do, haunts you. Believe me, I know. But this isn’t the answer. It’s not a solution and I think you understand that.’’

She nodded, wiping her cheek. ’’I’m sorry for ambushing you with this.’’

He grabbed her hand in his, squeezing hard. ’’It’s okay.’’

’’I don’t... I can’t get it out of my head. It’s right there. The chance to... wipe it all clean.’’ 

’’I get it.'' 

’’No one else does.’’

They sat there, quiet, for a few minutes. Just holding hands and enjoying each others company. They hadn’t had a real chance of catching up since she’d left for the league. Since their break up, really. She’d come and go, but never long enough for them to sit down like this. And then she died.

’’I’m sorry for yelling.’’ Oliver said, breaking the silence. ’’It’s something I’m working on, you know, not doing. As often.’’

Sara chuckled.  ”Wow. Look at you! Working through your issues.’’ She said, causing him to laugh out loud.

’’Who would have thought, huh?’’

’’Not me.’’ she joked. Oliver rolled his eyes.

She would probably never say so, but she was in awe of him and how far he’d come. Sara knew she would always love Oliver, but in the end they just weren’t good for each other. Even though they had known this from the get go, it had been easy to ignore for the sake of the comfort the relationship had brought them both. But that’s all it was. Comfort and convenience, doomed to fail.

She smiled then and nudged his shoulder causing him to look up at her, curious.

’’You know, I was serious when I said that Felicity's the best thing that's ever happened to you.’’

His eyes lit up at the mention of his fiancee. ’’Yeah,” he said as his smiled widened ”yeah, she is.’’

Then he stood up and pulled her along with him.  ’'It’s late. We’ve got a guest room, you can stay there.’’

’’I’m not--’’

’’You're not going fight me on this. I’ll make breakfast in the morning. You can catch up with Felicity.’’

Sara frowned. ’’You cook?’’

’’Don’t sound so surprised.’’ He shrugged. ’’It helps with the anxiety.’’

Anxiety. She raised her eyebrows in surprise, but didn't acknowledge it. Instead she went on to tease him further. 

’’No, but seriously? You cook? And you do it well?’’

He snorted and let go of her hand, before walking towards the stairs. 

’’Stay over and you can see for yourself.’’

* * *

That’s enough to convince her to stay. He made the bed, showed her where she’d find the extra blankets, towels or pillows before telling her to make herself at home. Once he’s made sure she’s comfortable, he walked down the corridor to his own bedroom. He tried to be as quiet as possible, in case she was asleep already, but as he entered the room he saw Felicity wide awake, in bed, but on top of the covers with a tablet in her hands.

The second he opened the door, she put it down next to her and sat up.

’’Is Sara okay?’’ She asked.

’’Yeah,’’ Oliver said, walked over and threw himself on the bed. Felicity moved closer and put her arm around his torso, chin on his shoulder. ’’She’s fine,'' he assured her. ''She’s staying in the guestroom.’’

’’What did she want?’’

Oliver put his arm around her. ’’I’ll tell you all about it tomorrow. Right now, I just... I just wanna hold you.’’

She huffed out a laugh as he pulled her closer and buried his face in the crook of her neck. ’’Okay. As long as everything’s fine.’’

’’It is’’

’’Good.’’

’’I love you.’’ he said, voice muffled by her hair. ’’So much.’’

’’I love you too.’’

**Author's Note:**

> I'm gonna leave this as a multichapter because I might write more chapter where a few other members from Team Legends/Arrow/Flash has to crash in their guestroom. I have so many ideas for this series, it's insane. 
> 
> Comments and kudos makes my heart happy.


End file.
